He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
