I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
