i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
