it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
