"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
