It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
