I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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