I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
