the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
