remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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