i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
