I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
