I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
