Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
