Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
