Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
