O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
