I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
