Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
