I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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