It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We have started to decorate penises.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
