6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Your dad touched me again.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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