Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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