If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
