Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
