Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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