I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
