she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
