the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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