i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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