IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
