somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
