How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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