Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize