i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Boobs are out for the taking
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
