True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and she was petting her beer can
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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