i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
