Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
