then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
