Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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