at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Help. Why am I so naked?
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