R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
