the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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