She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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