First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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