I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
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I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
