We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
