my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
