youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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