spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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