he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
