we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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