Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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