wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
