i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
