I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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