yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
