You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
