I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
as a side note pls kill me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
