No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
