swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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