R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
