the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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