I am in a vortex of obligation.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
