why didn't you poke me back
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
