The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
