$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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