I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize