please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
