We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
