it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
