I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I AM VODKA MAN
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
