I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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