He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
