So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
