I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
